How Fear Showed Up in My Life

We often think of fear as something loud: panic, trembling, avoidance. But in my life, fear was quiet. It hid in my thoughts, in the little words I told myself every day, shaping my choices without me even realizing it. This is how I discovered its subtle power and how I learned to move beyond it.

Fear showed up in my life in the form of negative self-talk. Beneath all the self-judgment was a subconscious fear of rejection. It appeared as rationalizing and acting indifferent. I put on a brave front, insisting, I’ve got this! I don’t need anyone. I can do it all myself. I pretended I didn’t care what others thought of me.

My mask was a false front that hid my fears and insecurities. Yet deep down, I longed for someone to see through it. In my everyday life, fear manifested as low energy and lack of motivation, presenting as a hard shell, or as my teacher once pointed out, “my resting bitch face.” (LOL—he even gave me exercises to change that expression!)

The biggest thing I’ve dropped from my old identity is my “I can’t.” These two insidious words have held me back countless times. They’ve caused hurt and misunderstanding, led to missed opportunities and adventures, and kept me from forming new relationships with interesting people. At the root of those two words was my belief that I wasn’t good enough.

“I can’t” came from negative self-judgment: never feeling good enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, worthy enough. Those two powerful words made me misinterpret others’ intentions: Why would he be interested in me? I must be misreading the signals. Why didn’t they invite me on that holiday? They probably don’t like me. I’d think, Why should I aim for a promotion? I’m not good enough, and they know it, so why kill myself trying? I should just be happy with my small life and stop dreaming of “bigger” and “better”. Why would that happen to someone like me anyway?

These heavy little words stopped me from asking for help. I believed no one would help me, that I had to do everything alone, that nothing would be handed to me. I thought I’d have to bend over backwards in relationships, please everyone to be loved, accepted, and to belong.

I lived my life looking for love in all the wrong places, seeking acceptance and approval outside myself. But my self-sabotage kept me running on a hamster wheel without realizing it. My negative self-judgment kept me small and kept others at arm’s length. If I didn’t let anyone in, I couldn’t be rejected, right? And yet, all I longed for was acceptance and approval. See the conundrum?

Now that I’ve recognized, acknowledged, and transformed this belief, I feel more optimistic and free to believe I can achieve anything I set my mind to. I feel more relaxed in my body, more confident in my interactions.

If I’m presented with an invitation or opportunity now, I pause and assess instead of instantly rejecting it out of suspicion. I now hold a more loving and empowering vision of who I am and what I deserve. I’m less concerned with what others think because I’ve learned to master my Negative Mind through consistent self-love.

Your thoughts create your reality. Now, I’m surrounded by well-wishers, people who appreciate me, want the best for me, support my dreams, and help me reach my goals. This has boosted my self-esteem, helped me value myself and my abilities more, and strengthened my belief that I can manifest my desires. Most importantly, it’s given me the courage to keep stepping out of my comfort zone, expanding, and creating new experiences for myself.

If my story resonates with you and you’re ready to shift your own limiting beliefs and understand your Negative Mind, join me in Canada for my upcoming workshops: From Pointless to Purpose. Together, we’ll explore how to release old patterns, reconnect with your true self, and step boldly into the life you’re meant to live.